It’s been raining these days, and the weather has been a bit cold. I’m rummaging through boxes and cabinets looking for clothes that can keep me warm. In the corner of the wardrobe, an old style sweater caught my attention. That is a sweater with a blue background and patterns of small houses, trees, and animals. This was woven by my mother herself during my youthful years, and it is also her silent and deep affection for me. It has witnessed the passage of more than thirty years and also carries my memories of warm days.
My mother is from Yiliang County, Yunnan Province. In the 1970s, she worked in construction in Kunming, with an irregular workplace and was away for many years. My father works in the geological team and has been engaged in field investigations for a long time. So, when I was one year old, I was sent to my grandmother’s house in the countryside of Yiliang. I only see them once a year during the Spring Festival. Every time my mother comes, she always brings the sweater she knitted herself. Wearing it feels like my mother is by my side, no matter how cold the weather is, my heart is always warm.
In the 1970s, due to material scarcity, there were no fancy clothing or intricate decorations on the market, and people had to weave their own sweaters if they wanted to wear them. Every year, there is still some time before the Chinese New Year, and I can’t wait to ask my grandmother, when will my mother come this year and will she still knit a new sweater for me? Grandma always smiles kindly and says that she will definitely come. This is her hometown and her lovely daughter. I am looking forward to my mother’s arrival, putting on the new sweater she knitted herself and going out to play, so that I can show off in front of my friends.
At the age of school, I returned to Kunming and my mother’s side. She still liked to knit sweaters, but not just for me alone, but for the whole family, but she rarely knitted for herself. My mother wears a gray sweater and a workwear jacket all year round, and it’s rare for her to change. I told her, don’t always weave for us, you also weave a few pieces yourself. My mother always says that her work environment is not good, and she has to deal with cement, sand, and ash all year round. She also can’t wear good clothes and wears dark colors that are resistant to dirt.
Every night, I watch her sit on the sofa, with a cloth bag on her arm, containing various colors of yarn. She holds two sweater needles in both hands, flipping up and down, weaving flexibly and freely. It takes at least two months to knit a sweater, and she is often seen weaving it until late at night. I often sit next to her and talk to her about interesting things about school. My mother is often distracted, and sometimes when she makes a mistake in weaving, she takes it apart and reweaves it.
The pattern woven by my mother is very complex and exquisite, different from others. Every time she goes to the market, she always buys a sweater weaving tutorial and weaves according to the patterns on it. There is a large stack of sweater weaving books at home, and I wonder if she has read them all. At that time, I was already a middle school student, but I couldn’t understand her sweater book at all. The book was full of forks and circles, with needles inserted and inserted at different times. I felt like I was reading a heavenly book. My mother has taught me countless times, but I still don’t know how to knit.
I just started working and once my mother knitted me a sweater with a small house, trees, and animal patterns. When I got to work, someone mocked me and said, “You’re so old, how could you wear such a childish sweater?”. I couldn’t hold my expression after hearing these words. When I got home, I told my mother that I didn’t want to wear such an ugly and outdated sweater anymore. My mother’s face showed a sad expression when she heard my words. She silently put away her sweater and turned around to leave my room. At that moment, I saw my mother’s back appear so lonely and helpless, and my heart also felt a piercing pain.
My mother never knitted a sweater with cartoon patterns for me again. She only knitted a clean color, and the collar changed frequently according to the season, sometimes with a chicken heart collar, sometimes a round collar, and sometimes a high collar. The needle method is also changing, including Yuanbao needle, Fried Dough Twists needle and flat needle. I will also discuss colors and styles with you before weaving. She gradually learned to respect my preferences and knitted a sweater that better suited my heart. I’ve been wearing these sweaters for many years, and even when they’re old, I can’t bear to throw them away. Later, these old sweaters were dismantled by the mother, woven back into blankets, and placed on the bed, which can also be considered as old items for use. I have been keeping this sweater with cartoon patterns that I used to despise, unwilling to take it apart.
Later on, I found out that the cartoon pattern sweater was woven for me by my mother for many nights, stitch by thread. She specially selected the softest yarn and carefully designed the style to celebrate my participation in work. However, I found it unsightly and outdated due to the opinions of others, which hurt my mother’s heart.
After his son was born, the mother knitted sweaters for him. Throughout the year, his son had endless sweaters to wear. His classmates all know that he has a grandmother who loves to knit sweaters, and sometimes his parents come home to ask his mother for advice on how to knit sweaters.
Unfortunately, my mother suffered from liver cirrhosis. During her two years of illness, she rarely knitted sweaters. At that time, I was already in middle age, and even though my son was in high school, I still couldn’t knit sweaters. When the mother’s health improves, she occasionally uses some zero thread to weave small clothes for babies. She said I’m clumsy and can’t learn. First, weave and prepare for me, and I’ll have a sweater to wear when your grandson is born. I told my mother that life is good now and you don’t have to work too hard. You can go to the mall to buy something then. But my mother didn’t listen and persisted in weaving a few sets. Originally, my mother was still considering my daughter, who had poor manual skills, even though I was only 40 years old at the time. These little sweaters are still preserved by me to this day. Every time I see these sweaters, I feel the image of my mother lying on the hospital bed, still knitting sweaters before her death.
Time flies, and mother’s love is like those delicate stitches, crossing the long river of time, with warmth still present. Whenever I open the corner of the dusty wardrobe and take out the old sweater with my mother’s deep affection, a warm surge flows through my heart. Although my mother has passed away for many years, her love, like these sweaters, is delicate, profound, and will never fade.
